Excerpt:
It is often helpful to eliminate any distraction if you want to rebuild trust for one another.
Me:
What a valuable piece of advice. Too often live gets too complicated and fractured. But to settle back to the basic common demoninators and then re-group - is the only way.
Sexual Agreements
Amara Charles
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Making Agreements Review
Excerpt:
Make agreements that are about 'asking' instead of 'demanding'.
Boundaries generally come with a demand to do or not do such and such. An agreement is a request, not a demand. In the long run, agreements are far more enduring, safer, and more liberating than boundaries. When starting an agreement,the attitude with which it is made is as important as what is actually said.
Me:
Drawing a line in the sand never works. It's like having a fear-based relationship compared to a love-based relationship.
It is probably best to never create an agreement while either party is under any duress.
Sexual Agreements
Amara Charles
Make agreements that are about 'asking' instead of 'demanding'.
Boundaries generally come with a demand to do or not do such and such. An agreement is a request, not a demand. In the long run, agreements are far more enduring, safer, and more liberating than boundaries. When starting an agreement,the attitude with which it is made is as important as what is actually said.
Me:
Drawing a line in the sand never works. It's like having a fear-based relationship compared to a love-based relationship.
It is probably best to never create an agreement while either party is under any duress.
Sexual Agreements
Amara Charles
Review of Sexual Agreements - Opening Relationships
Excerpt:
Tolerance and greater acceptance for individual sexual preferences is becoming more widespread in our culture.
Me:
I see that there is a greater level of acceptance and tolerance, but I still feel there is ambiguity around the agreements and the unspoken truths that are yet to be voiced.
I feel it is important to have the difficult conversation.
For example, it may be easier to say let's open up the relationhip instead of saying 'I am not completely happy in this relationship anymore and I am not quite ready to leave'. So opening the relationship is the soft option.
I think when open relationships are used when a relationship isn't in full health - needs a lot of conscious awareness on the part of the individuals involved.
Sexual Agreements by Amara Charles
Tolerance and greater acceptance for individual sexual preferences is becoming more widespread in our culture.
Me:
I see that there is a greater level of acceptance and tolerance, but I still feel there is ambiguity around the agreements and the unspoken truths that are yet to be voiced.
I feel it is important to have the difficult conversation.
For example, it may be easier to say let's open up the relationhip instead of saying 'I am not completely happy in this relationship anymore and I am not quite ready to leave'. So opening the relationship is the soft option.
I think when open relationships are used when a relationship isn't in full health - needs a lot of conscious awareness on the part of the individuals involved.
Sexual Agreements by Amara Charles
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